Thursday, November 8, 2012

Life can be a CHALLENGE!!

Oh man, am I ever Breathing In The Moment.  Each day I look for a blessing, because truly right now, I find it hard.

I have stuck to my Advocare 24 Day Challenge, and am still seeing results.  Do I have pictures to show you?  No... sorry friends.  I am officially down 9 pounds in 18 days!  I am ecstatic about that for sure, and my clothes are starting to fall off!  Yahoo!!

Did  I have any slips?  Maybe once.... but nothing big at all!  I can TRULY honestly say, I LOVE ADVOCARE and it IS changing my life!  I do not crave the garbage I used to call food, nor do I even have the slightest want for Starbucks.   

If I came out of this whole challenge with one thing, it would be the energy, and the ability to give up Starbucks.  I was putting so much bad crap into my body every. single. morning!  And I thought I needed it to survive my day.  Boy was I wrong.
18 Days without any outside source of caffeine.  It's me and my Spark baby!  I'm darn proud of that.

Onto to the less exciting news.  I went to see a specialist about my "situation" as my primary care physician requested, and of course it was no good.  Not saying there is anything wrong with me, but I have to have further testing.

I have not decided how into detail I really want to go on the blog, so bear with me for a bit.  I had my blood work done on Tuesday, and this coming Monday I get to go have a more invasive procedure done.  As soon as I have answers I will absolutely share it all with you.  Maybe not in full detail, because let me tell you....  THIS IS HARD!!!  I feel like less of a person, doing the things I am having to do.  And I just want it to be over already.  On the bright side, I get Monday off of work!

I am also having a bit of buyers remorse, and that was until I had a great pep talk from a great friend. I found out today that my insurance requires my deductible to be met in order to have the procedure.  Well that's another $800 out of my pocket.  I feel horrible taking that money away from the family, and felt like I should cancel my appointment.  Almost as though I felt I am not worth the money.

My dear friend reminded me that I went to my regular Dr, who then referred me to my specialist, who then decided I needed all of this done.  Ok, fine she is right.  But what if it's nothing?  That is my worry.  Do I really need to do this?

The final answer is of course YES.  There is no way to really know whats going on inside my body without this procedure.  They will knock me out, and figure it all out within an hour.  Doesn't sound too bad right?  Agree with me please because this is taking all I've got, not to freak out.

I have a great life, a great job, great kids, amazing husband, wonderful friends, a supportive family..... so why this, and why now?  Right when I was taking charge of my own life, WHAM it's like I am knocked down again.  I want to get back up, and run the other way.  I want my life back, and I want it now!!

I am ready, and I have been ready for the last 18 days.  I have done so well, and I am proud of myself.  And I know my husband is proud of me too.  So come Tuesday (we can pray) I am hoping I have answers and can move on.   By that day, I WILL have final "After" photos and 24-Day Challenge RESULTS!  Yep, my challenge is almost over.  I have NEVER been able to stick to a fad "diet" and I must tell you... this has been the easiest thing I have ever done.

I plan on doing the challenge all over again in January, but in the mean time, I am going to be continuing the Advocare products and my healthy lifestyle.  I will also add in exercise as long as the body allows.

I appreciate all of your support, truly and sincerely from the bottom of my heart!  It keeps me going on my journey!

Hugs to you all.  I will try to keep my chin up and find my blessings each and every day.  

Here is one of my favorite songs that I leave you with tonight, enjoy!

Thursday, November 1, 2012

It's becoming my reality........

The first word that comes to mind as I sit down to write this post is hands down "OVERWHELMED"

Did I give up?  NOT AT ALL!  Did I slip just a tad?  YES I sure did!

Let me explain....  I last left you with an 8.8 pound weight loss, feeling great, and life was treating me well.  I did also tell you that I was entering the craziest two weeks of the year... right??  Well boy did I know what was coming!

This post is not full of great pictures, so bear with me.

Saturday October 27th there was a home football game.  Those consist of me tending bar for about 200 people, and consuming classic tailgate food crap!  I had prepared myself to not give into the urge by drinking my fiber drink in the morning with a Spark, and drinking my meal replacement shake for breakfast.  I packed a couple other packets of spark, along with a container full of my turkey taco soup.  I was ready to take on the day!

Well I am proud to tell you, I WON!!  I did not consume anything other than what I brought.  

Ok, great news right?  But let's move into the week.  Sunday was spent grocery shopping and menu planning for the week.  That took all day long, and about $400 out of my bank.  I was so motivated for the coming week.  Then it hit me.  I had so much to do, and not very much time.

I work full time, and on top of that I had the following added to my already busy schedule.  

Monday: I had to finalize my fall box tops drive for the school and get those sent off.  There was over 2,500 of them that I had clipped and sorted in the previous 2 weeks.  

Tuesday: was spent gathering last minute costume accessories for both my kids (yes I waited until the last minute) and prepare for my daughters classroom Halloween party.  I am the room mom, so the majority of the party was on my plate.  

Wednesday I got the kids all dressed up, headed to work for 2 hours, then to the school to throw the party.  Got home, and took the kids trick or treating, then to Papa's pizza to play with some friends.  I will come back to that...  

Today: I had parent/teacher conferences, and I was busting my rear to finish up a Barbie birthday party for this upcoming Saturday.  I was able to get that completed about 15 minutes ago.  

Then onto tomorrow. I have to work a half day due to no school, and come home to start working on a Carnival party coming up on the 10th!

Are you still there?  Did you fall asleep?

Maybe you are thinking it's not that hard.  But let me tell you, on Tuesday night, I was done.  I felt like I was being defeated.  Who was I kidding?  I can't do this.  I cannot do everything I do, AND try to lose 100 pounds!  I was giving in.  

I wanted Taco Bell and because I was too busy to cook, that's right where we headed!  I drove up to the drive thru and was ready to ruin my healthy eating for the day and have a mexican pizza and a bean burrito!  But then it was like a light came shining down, and led me to the fresca menu.  I could have had the fresca taco, or burrito, but I actually chose the salad!  But mentally I was ready to give in....... 

Still not sounding too bad?  Well Wednesday comes around.  Halloween and Halloween party.  Yummy candy ALL around.  I chewed gum during the party so that I had zero temptation to snack.  That worked like a charm.  Trick or Treating, still going strong.  Although I felt like sneaking a pay day.... I did not.  After we got back home we packed up and headed to the local pizza joint to meet up with our good friends.  I stuck a piece of gum in my mouth and ordered a big tall ice water.  I once again had ZERO temptation.  Even though my sweet friends kept offering.  Maybe they thought I was going to starve (only kidding).  I spent 3 hours sitting in front of yummy smelling hot pizza,  and not once did I get the craving.   We packed the kids up, and headed home.  When I walked in the door carrying the leftover mini cheese pizza, I have no idea what came over me, but I opened up the box, grabbed a slice, took off the cheese and ate it!  Marinara crust?  Strange, but it was satisfying.

Then onto today. Everything was GREAT until I came home.  I realized my time was running out to get my to do list done for the weekend, and I went back to that place of defeat.  So what did this dummy do?  I ate.... what did I eat??  Top Ramen, and a mini candy bar!  Ugh!  I was so disappointed in myself afterwards, but realized that it's not a big deal.  The old me from 2 weeks ago would have sat down and ate the whole bag of candy.  I was able to stop at one.  But the disappointment still exists.

So why am I telling you all of this?  I want you to know that I will remain 100% honest with my readers.   I want to be held accountable for my actions.   I have no pictures from the week, due to my crazy brain, and that was something that was placed on the back burner.  

I have gained a whole pound!  So what... so I am down 7 pounds in 2 weeks?  I'll take it!  I still feel absolutely amazing, and my clothes are fitting much better.   I am going to wake up tomorrow and face the world with a brand new attitude.  I've got this!

I am leaving you with a song to inspire you!  If you feel like it's hard, it probably is.  But know that you can hold on, and breakthrough!

And just know that your support is what keeps me going!!