Life can be a CHALLENGE!!

Oh man, am I ever Breathing In The Moment.  Each day I look for a blessing, because truly right now, I find it hard.

I have stuck to my Advocare 24 Day Challenge, and am still seeing results.  Do I have pictures to show you?  No... sorry friends.  I am officially down 9 pounds in 18 days!  I am ecstatic about that for sure, and my clothes are starting to fall off!  Yahoo!!

Did  I have any slips?  Maybe once.... but nothing big at all!  I can TRULY honestly say, I LOVE ADVOCARE and it IS changing my life!  I do not crave the garbage I used to call food, nor do I even have the slightest want for Starbucks.   

If I came out of this whole challenge with one thing, it would be the energy, and the ability to give up Starbucks.  I was putting so much bad crap into my body every. single. morning!  And I thought I needed it to survive my day.  Boy was I wrong.

18 Days without any outside source of caffeine.  It's me and my Spark baby!  I'm darn proud of that.

Onto to the less exciting news.  I went to see a specialist about my "situation" as my primary care physician requested, and of course it was no good.  Not saying there is anything wrong with me, but I have to have further testing.

I have not decided how into detail I really want to go on the blog, so bear with me for a bit.  I had my blood work done on Tuesday, and this coming Monday I get to go have a more invasive procedure done.  As soon as I have answers I will absolutely share it all with you.  Maybe not in full detail, because let me tell you....  THIS IS HARD!!!  I feel like less of a person, doing the things I am having to do.  And I just want it to be over already.  On the bright side, I get Monday off of work!

I am also having a bit of buyers remorse, and that was until I had a great pep talk from a great friend. I found out today that my insurance requires my deductible to be met in order to have the procedure.  Well that's another $800 out of my pocket.  I feel horrible taking that money away from the family, and felt like I should cancel my appointment.  Almost as though I felt I am not worth the money.

My dear friend reminded me that I went to my regular Dr, who then referred me to my specialist, who then decided I needed all of this done.  Ok, fine she is right.  But what if it's nothing?  That is my worry.  Do I really need to do this?

The final answer is of course YES.  There is no way to really know whats going on inside my body without this procedure.  They will knock me out, and figure it all out within an hour.  Doesn't sound too bad right?  Agree with me please because this is taking all I've got, not to freak out.

I have a great life, a great job, great kids, amazing husband, wonderful friends, a supportive family..... so why this, and why now?  Right when I was taking charge of my own life, WHAM it's like I am knocked down again.  I want to get back up, and run the other way.  I want my life back, and I want it now!!

I am ready, and I have been ready for the last 18 days.  I have done so well, and I am proud of myself.  And I know my husband is proud of me too.  So come Tuesday (we can pray) I am hoping I have answers and can move on.   By that day, I WILL have final "After" photos and 24-Day Challenge RESULTS!  Yep, my challenge is almost over.  I have NEVER been able to stick to a fad "diet" and I must tell you... this has been the easiest thing I have ever done.

I plan on doing the challenge all over again in January, but in the mean time, I am going to be continuing the Advocare products and my healthy lifestyle.  I will also add in exercise as long as the body allows.

I appreciate all of your support, truly and sincerely from the bottom of my heart!  It keeps me going on my journey!

Hugs to you all.  I will try to keep my chin up and find my blessings each and every day.  

Here is one of my favorite songs that I leave you with tonight, enjoy!

It's becoming my reality........

The first word that comes to mind as I sit down to write this post is hands down "OVERWHELMED"

Did I give up?  NOT AT ALL!  Did I slip just a tad?  YES I sure did!

Let me explain....  I last left you with an 8.8 pound weight loss, feeling great, and life was treating me well.  I did also tell you that I was entering the craziest two weeks of the year... right??  Well boy did I know what was coming!

This post is not full of great pictures, so bear with me.

Saturday October 27th there was a home football game.  Those consist of me tending bar for about 200 people, and consuming classic tailgate food crap!  I had prepared myself to not give into the urge by drinking my fiber drink in the morning with a Spark, and drinking my meal replacement shake for breakfast.  I packed a couple other packets of spark, along with a container full of my turkey taco soup.  I was ready to take on the day!

Well I am proud to tell you, I WON!!  I did not consume anything other than what I brought.  

Ok, great news right?  But let's move into the week.  Sunday was spent grocery shopping and menu planning for the week.  That took all day long, and about $400 out of my bank.  I was so motivated for the coming week.  Then it hit me.  I had so much to do, and not very much time.

I work full time, and on top of that I had the following added to my already busy schedule.  

Monday: I had to finalize my fall box tops drive for the school and get those sent off.  There was over 2,500 of them that I had clipped and sorted in the previous 2 weeks.  

Tuesday: was spent gathering last minute costume accessories for both my kids (yes I waited until the last minute) and prepare for my daughters classroom Halloween party.  I am the room mom, so the majority of the party was on my plate.  

Wednesday I got the kids all dressed up, headed to work for 2 hours, then to the school to throw the party.  Got home, and took the kids trick or treating, then to Papa's pizza to play with some friends.  I will come back to that...  

Today: I had parent/teacher conferences, and I was busting my rear to finish up a Barbie birthday party for this upcoming Saturday.  I was able to get that completed about 15 minutes ago.  

Then onto tomorrow. I have to work a half day due to no school, and come home to start working on a Carnival party coming up on the 10th!

Are you still there?  Did you fall asleep?

Maybe you are thinking it's not that hard.  But let me tell you, on Tuesday night, I was done.  I felt like I was being defeated.  Who was I kidding?  I can't do this.  I cannot do everything I do, AND try to lose 100 pounds!  I was giving in.  

I wanted Taco Bell and because I was too busy to cook, that's right where we headed!  I drove up to the drive thru and was ready to ruin my healthy eating for the day and have a mexican pizza and a bean burrito!  But then it was like a light came shining down, and led me to the fresca menu.  I could have had the fresca taco, or burrito, but I actually chose the salad!  But mentally I was ready to give in....... 

Still not sounding too bad?  Well Wednesday comes around.  Halloween and Halloween party.  Yummy candy ALL around.  I chewed gum during the party so that I had zero temptation to snack.  That worked like a charm.  Trick or Treating, still going strong.  Although I felt like sneaking a pay day.... I did not.  After we got back home we packed up and headed to the local pizza joint to meet up with our good friends.  I stuck a piece of gum in my mouth and ordered a big tall ice water.  I once again had ZERO temptation.  Even though my sweet friends kept offering.  Maybe they thought I was going to starve (only kidding).  I spent 3 hours sitting in front of yummy smelling hot pizza,  and not once did I get the craving.   We packed the kids up, and headed home.  When I walked in the door carrying the leftover mini cheese pizza, I have no idea what came over me, but I opened up the box, grabbed a slice, took off the cheese and ate it!  Marinara crust?  Strange, but it was satisfying.

Then onto today. Everything was GREAT until I came home.  I realized my time was running out to get my to do list done for the weekend, and I went back to that place of defeat.  So what did this dummy do?  I ate.... what did I eat??  Top Ramen, and a mini candy bar!  Ugh!  I was so disappointed in myself afterwards, but realized that it's not a big deal.  The old me from 2 weeks ago would have sat down and ate the whole bag of candy.  I was able to stop at one.  But the disappointment still exists.

So why am I telling you all of this?  I want you to know that I will remain 100% honest with my readers.   I want to be held accountable for my actions.   I have no pictures from the week, due to my crazy brain, and that was something that was placed on the back burner.  

I have gained a whole pound!  So what... so I am down 7 pounds in 2 weeks?  I'll take it!  I still feel absolutely amazing, and my clothes are fitting much better.   I am going to wake up tomorrow and face the world with a brand new attitude.  I've got this!

I am leaving you with a song to inspire you!  If you feel like it's hard, it probably is.  But know that you can hold on, and breakthrough!

And just know that your support is what keeps me going!!

Weigh-In {Days 5-8}

Wow, I am almost done with the cleanse phase of my 24 day Challenge! This has gone by so super fast!

Before I get to the part you are all waiting for, I just have to be open and honest!  I am struggling right now.  Not with food, not with following the challenge, but with life in general.

On Monday 10/22 I started experiencing a medical problem that has popped up a few times in the past year.  I ignored it, just as I have in the past, but this time it got worse.  It lasted for 2 days, so I finally decided to talk to my husband about it.  We both decided that I needed to get into the doctor this week.  I'm not going to share details, unless of course they find something.  The internet has scary things, and what I am going through could be a simple virus or cancer, depending on which website you visit.  Haha.  So this morning I will be visiting my mom and dads doctor for the first time to see if he will invest the time into my problems and help me heal!

Anyways, the reason I am telling you is because I am devastated to say the least!  Here I am changing my life, and enjoying every.single.moment of it, and BAM!  There is that little black rain cloud hoovering over me!  I have felt better this last week than I have in the last year!  I am no longer an unmotivated overweight (ok well I am still technically overweight) mother.  

Every morning I get up when my alarm goes off, I take the time to do my hair, and my make-up. (I haven't done my make-up since Vegas in January folks!!) and grab some awesome outfits to go out and rock the world.  It's like I am awake again!!

I am on Day 8 of this challenge and let me tell you.... this Starbucks lovin mama has not missed one single sip of that awful sweet and tasty concoction.  Not one!  How is this possible?  I thought I needed my Starbucks just to survive the days.  NOPE!  Good-bye bad for you indulgences, and hello fat wallet!!  :)  This mama is saving $5 every day, just by getting a divorce with Starbucks!  Not too bad right?

OK lets move onto my progress!  I want to know something.  Do you want to know what I eat every day, or would you rather see pictures of my weights instead?  I want to know what my readers want to see!  So please, do tell!

DAY 5
Weight: 270.6                                                        TOTAL LOSS: 5.2 Pounds
 

DAY 6
Weight: 268.6                                                       TOTAL LOSS: 7.2 Pounds
 

DAY 7
Weight: 268.8                                                          TOTAL LOSS: 7 Pounds
 

Day 8
Weight: 268.4                                                                                    TOTAL LOSS: 7.4 Pounds














I am so happy with my results this far.  I haven't lost half of me yet, darnit, but I feel like a million bucks. Here is my challenge to you!  Are you feeling sluggish, or just in a rut?  Visit Advocare and just try Spark!  It will change your life!  I am not in anyway paid to tell you these things.  I am living proof of the products results as you read this!  

This coming week will be the hardest for me yet.  I've got my doctors appointment, Tailgater, Halloween, Halloween party, Birthday party, and I still have to find time to be Mom, Wife, Friend and employee.  I will be relying on Spark to get me through!

I can't wait to come back and share my next results!! 

Thanks friends!! 

Day 4 {Progress and Weigh-In}

I am excited to have reached my 4th day of the challenge.  That means that I am 1/6 of the way done.  Don't ask why I chose to post every 4th day, it just sounded good to me.

I have kept a very detailed journal, and taken several pictures along the way.  So here goes...

Day 1:

10/19/2012

Weight: 275.8 

Breakfast: Fiber Drink w/Spark

                 Plain Old Fashioned oatmeal, sweetened with Stevia

Snack:      Sweet Peppers (raw)

Lunch:     Avocado Salad w/Dairy free avocado dressing

Snack:      Almonds & Sunflower Seeds

Dinner:     Harvest Chicken Salad w/Orange mustard dressing

Water:      8, 16ox bottles, and one 8oz Spark in the afternoon

 

I felt really good about myself, of course not because of the number that came flashing before my eyes, but for the fact that I chose to change my life.  I could have VERY easily waited until Monday to start my challenge, and spent the weekend indulging in all my favorite foods.  I decided that once my kit arrived it was my time to start.  Why wait? 
 

Day 2:
10/20/12

Weight: 273                            TOTAL LOSS: 2.8 Pounds                                                                   

Breakfast: Fiber Drink w/Spark

                 1/4 Cup Oatmeal w/Craisins, sweetened with Stevia

                 2 Eggs, Pan fried

Snack:      Almonds

Lunch:     Harvest Chicken Salad

                1/4 Avocado

Snack:     Almonds w/Spark

Dinner:   Garlic Balsalmic chicken w/ Bruchetta topping

               4 Shrimp w/low sugar cocktail sauce

               Sweet potato chips w/Hummus

Snack:    1 Orange & Grapes

Water:    7, 16oz bottles

Day 3:

10/21/12

 

Weight: 271.4                      TOTAL LOSS: 4.4 Pounds                                                                              

Breakfast:  Fiber Drink w/Spark

                 Egg Scramble w/ tomato, onion, mushroom, peppers, turkey bacon, sea salt & pepper

Snack:       Celery w/all natural Peanut Butter

Lunch:      Spark (we slept in this day, and had a late           breakfast, so instead of lunch we had several     small snacks)

Snack:       Almonds

Dinner:      Mini Turkey Meatloaf

                 Plain baked sweet potato

                 Garlic steamed Broccoli

 



Snack:      Oranges and Grapes

Day 4:

10/22/12        
 

Weight: 271                        TOTAL LOSS: 4.8 Pounds

 

 

So far I feel absolutely amazing!  I thought I was going to have a really hard time letting go of Starbucks, but with Spark, I have not even noticed.  I didn't think it was possible.  

I have to laugh because on Day 2 I told Allen... this seems so crazy.  I feel amazing, I mean I feel AMAZING.. almost like I didn't believe myself.  If I were an outsider I would have thought I was paid to say the things I was saying.  But the truth is, I FEEL AMAZING!!!

 

I'm doing this for me, but so far I am really hoping I inspire others to try the challenge.  

I have also decided that as soon as I hit that 5 pound loss.... I am treating myself to a pedicure.  I apologize for you having to look at my fancy feet!  

So here's to a great week!!  I'll be back with more results in 4 days!!

 

Day 1 - Weigh-In {Is this real?}

Here it is.  The day I've needed for the last 4 years, has finally come.  This will be my life for the next 24 days.  Advocare 24 day challenge, my scale, journal, and my pink ribbon!

I am about to post my before pictures, but I have to tell you.  I have had extreme anxiety over this.  Am I really going to post pictures that clearly show you how unhealthy and unattractive I am?  Am I really going to post my starting weight without knowing the end results?  What If I lose nothing?  Then I will be humiliated forever.  

 

There is more to life than a number......  Age?  Weight? Size? Income?  They are all numbers that mean absolutely nothing.  Many of my close friends have numbers that are all over the map.... no one is the same, and those numbers do not define a person.  The truth is, I didn't want to face the truth.  I didn't want to see these pictures, or the numbers.  But I did it, and I'm moving forward. 

If you know me in real life, you know how big I am.  The actual number may shock you, because let me tell you, I am floored with what the scale says.  My before pictures, well I am wearing clothing that I would not be caught dead wearing in public.  I like to hide my flaws, and do pretty well at it.

You have now been officially warned.  The following pictures are not fabulous at all!

 (ignore my husbands photography skills)

 Alright, there you have it.  It's like a walk of shame... and the most painful part is almost over.  Moving on to the second part.  I should also mention that I WILL NOT be fixated on the numbers on the scale.  I will focus on my body and how I feel.  If my clothes start to fall off, I will be happy!

Drumroll please..... "Your starting weight is:"

 

I am so ashamed of that number you just saw.  There is only one way out... eat healthy, move more, and stick with it!

Today I start my 24 day challenge with Advocare.  For the next 4 days I will wake up and drink a fiber drink, and take various supplements during the day, and take my cleanse tablets at night before bed.  And to get me over my divorce with Starbucks I will drink Spark!  I will eat a clean healthy diet, which will not include and wheat or dairy for the first 10 days.

Other things on the agenda are to dig out some old pictures from storage totes, and to get out my goal outfits.  Yes, I have tubs of goal clothing!

But for today I leave you all with another great song!  Have a good morning!

Getting Prepared for lift off!

Hello readers!  Are you ready for this journey to start?  I sure am.... just waiting for one small detail to arrive.  I didn't say much about this is my previous post, but I am going to do the Advocare 24 Day Challenge!  It came highly recommended by my friend who used to be my personal trainer!

I am super excited to have this to jump start my weight loss, and have seen some amazing results from her other clients, some of whom I have personally met.  It is always worth more when you see these things in real life.  Are you the same way?

So, with that said... let me be the dummy and try it out.  I have never been a believer in a magic pill, or a fad diet.  I have read and read about Advocare, and it sounds amazing to me, and very safe.

My package should arrive tomorrow, and at that time I am going to leave my insecurities at the door and get my before pictures and my first weigh-in behind me.  Am I ready for this?  Yep!

I have to be honest though... the last couple days I have indulged in some favorite foods.  Pizza, homemade corn chowder, ice cream, and my moms homemade biscuits and gravy.  It's sad to think that I actually felt the "one more time" need.  THAT is my problem.  I just need to realize that I don't need the garbage anymore, and that it is slowly killing me.

I got some really sweet comments on my first post, and wanted to share one of them.  My reader Rebekah gave me this quote to live by on my journey.

"You only have to get through today. I only have to think about today's workout, today's menu. I will think about tomorrow when it gets here. Just one single day at a time."

That is exactly what I am going to do.  It actually fits very well with my blog title.  "Breathing in the Moment" was chosen from the song "This is My Now", which is my #1 motivator when working out.  And This IS MY NOW!!  And I am going to breathe in the moment each day, each step.

If I can get one single thing out of this blog, it is the support, and inspiration.  Ok That was 2 things.  I want to be able to support and be supported by my readers.  And when I lay down at night, knowing I am inspiring one other person to start their journey to health, then I have accomplished more than I could dream!

With that said, here is my motivational song.  You may see a few of these from time to time, and I hope you take the time to download these great songs onto your workout playlist!

The Start!

Notice: If you are looking for fun Party posts or DIY goods... you may want to skip this post. This is about to get personal.

Have you ever noticed that I avoid pictures at all cost?  Well here is why.  Grab a nice cold drink, and enjoy the story.  Well that is if you chose to keep reading.

 

(200Lbs in 2005)

Let's go back to the beginning.   As a child I never considered myself to be "fat", however I was always bigger than most of my girlfriends.  I come from a BIG family, by big I mean most members on my Dad's side are 5'9"-6'6"!  And well built.  

The hard part is that I am the only family member on either side that would be considered "obese" (I hate that term, but it's life)  I always feel like the outcast, and like a let down to my family.  My Grandpa always worries about my weight, and It's completely out of love and care.  He is getting older now, and his health has taken a few steps back over the last few years, and I really want him to see me do this!  

(Krista and I, October 13th 2012)

I went through high school pretty happy with myself.  I never felt that I needed to be on a diet, but I was never a bikini boaster.  I was me, and I still am Me. 

My senior year of high school I met my husband.  It was love at first sight, I will have to share that story another time.  Well you know what happens when you fall in love and over the years you get pretty comfortable with each other?  Well then you start to get comfortable with the weight as well.  I didn't gain a ton, but probably went up one pant size and gained 15-20 pounds.  No Big deal, I was still so very happy with who I was.

 

(My husband, Son and I, 2007)

Then came baby.  In 2002 I got pregnant with our son.  I gained 56 pounds.... it was awful.  Once he was born he never breast fed, which was even worse.  I tried to lose the weight, but with the new baby which then became a toddler, I just didn't have it in me.  I felt like a load of mass that couldn't help myself.  I topped the scales at 260 pounds! ( I cannot believe I am posting this on here)

(Me and my sister in-law, 2007)

Then in 2004 I got pregnant with our daughter.  I was already 260 pounds and was terrified that I was going to gain a mass amount once again.  However in the first trimester I lost about 10 pounds.  The day I went in to give birth I weighed 271 pounds!  Eek, but she was also a 9 pound baby!

(Me and Michael Maloney, 2008)

About 2 weeks after I had her I decided it was time to get my rear in gear.  I started walking about 5 miles a day and eating all healthy, clean and fresh foods.  Within 3 months I had lost 69 pounds!  I was down to 202 pounds!  No gimmicks, no shakes, just good old fashioned weight loss.  Breastfeeding played a HUGE part and I will get to that in a minute.

 

(Our wedding day 2005 at 200 Pounds!)

I felt amazing to say the least.  Life went on, and BAM a storm rolled in and took my life by surprise.  I was completely betrayed by my best friend of 15 years.  I was mortified and sent into a very deep depression, and started packing on the pounds.

(2009)

Over the course of 3 years I would cry and eat, and cry and eat... I went on medication that gave me migraines, so I had to quit taking it of course.  It took me a long time to re-gain trust and heal from my wounds.  I have come a LONG way mentally, but physically I am still at that road block.

(My husband and I 2008)

I love my husband dearly, and was able to sort through things with him, and it actually made us closer.  As for the friend, we have not spoken since that day, nor will we ever.  I hate to be that way, but she is not a woman I would EVER trust in my life ever again.  Some women just want what others have, and will go great lengths to get there.... can I get an AMEN?

(Roloff Farms 2007)

Onto today!  The weight is still there, and in fact it's gotten higher!  It's like my body won't let go.  I'm wearing this suit that is my shield from life.  But as of today, I am D.O.N.E!  I am miserable.  I wake up in pain, I have zero energy, and am just downright unhappy. 

 

(Amy Roloff with Me and Gabi 2007)

I always ask myself  WHY am I unhappy?  I have a great job, great family, great husband, amazing home, my own business, money... everything is great... so WHY?!?!

(Me and My sister 2008)

It is because I am not living the life I should be.  I am trapped inside this fat suit, and I need out.  I used to be very outgoing.... not anymore.  I'm tired of being bottled up.  I'm ready to come out.

(2006)

So if you are still with me... I am inviting you to join me on my journey!  I am going to document every step of the way.  Weigh-In's once a week, and Lot's of pictures, menu's and tips.  

(Heather and I with Phil & Amy Parham from The Biggest Loser in 2009)

I am done with the old me, ready for new!! 

 (Me and My sister in 2008)

And before you go, my inspiration came from Shelley over at House of Smiths!  She is a doll, and I look up to her in so many ways.  More than she will ever know.  She herself has lost so much weight in the last year, go check it out!!   And as a bonus, I get to meet her in April at SNAP!  I haven't set my weight loss goal for that date, but you better bet it's gonna be a big one!!!

 

Shelley today! 

 

So here's to the removal of my fat suit!!!  So long sista!!

So head on over to my new blog "Breathing in the Moment" to follow me on my journey one step at a time!