Day 1 - Weigh-In {Is this real?}

Here it is.  The day I've needed for the last 4 years, has finally come.  This will be my life for the next 24 days.  Advocare 24 day challenge, my scale, journal, and my pink ribbon!

I am about to post my before pictures, but I have to tell you.  I have had extreme anxiety over this.  Am I really going to post pictures that clearly show you how unhealthy and unattractive I am?  Am I really going to post my starting weight without knowing the end results?  What If I lose nothing?  Then I will be humiliated forever.  

 

There is more to life than a number......  Age?  Weight? Size? Income?  They are all numbers that mean absolutely nothing.  Many of my close friends have numbers that are all over the map.... no one is the same, and those numbers do not define a person.  The truth is, I didn't want to face the truth.  I didn't want to see these pictures, or the numbers.  But I did it, and I'm moving forward. 

If you know me in real life, you know how big I am.  The actual number may shock you, because let me tell you, I am floored with what the scale says.  My before pictures, well I am wearing clothing that I would not be caught dead wearing in public.  I like to hide my flaws, and do pretty well at it.

You have now been officially warned.  The following pictures are not fabulous at all!

 (ignore my husbands photography skills)

 Alright, there you have it.  It's like a walk of shame... and the most painful part is almost over.  Moving on to the second part.  I should also mention that I WILL NOT be fixated on the numbers on the scale.  I will focus on my body and how I feel.  If my clothes start to fall off, I will be happy!

Drumroll please..... "Your starting weight is:"

 

I am so ashamed of that number you just saw.  There is only one way out... eat healthy, move more, and stick with it!

Today I start my 24 day challenge with Advocare.  For the next 4 days I will wake up and drink a fiber drink, and take various supplements during the day, and take my cleanse tablets at night before bed.  And to get me over my divorce with Starbucks I will drink Spark!  I will eat a clean healthy diet, which will not include and wheat or dairy for the first 10 days.

Other things on the agenda are to dig out some old pictures from storage totes, and to get out my goal outfits.  Yes, I have tubs of goal clothing!

But for today I leave you all with another great song!  Have a good morning!

Getting Prepared for lift off!

Hello readers!  Are you ready for this journey to start?  I sure am.... just waiting for one small detail to arrive.  I didn't say much about this is my previous post, but I am going to do the Advocare 24 Day Challenge!  It came highly recommended by my friend who used to be my personal trainer!

I am super excited to have this to jump start my weight loss, and have seen some amazing results from her other clients, some of whom I have personally met.  It is always worth more when you see these things in real life.  Are you the same way?

So, with that said... let me be the dummy and try it out.  I have never been a believer in a magic pill, or a fad diet.  I have read and read about Advocare, and it sounds amazing to me, and very safe.

My package should arrive tomorrow, and at that time I am going to leave my insecurities at the door and get my before pictures and my first weigh-in behind me.  Am I ready for this?  Yep!

I have to be honest though... the last couple days I have indulged in some favorite foods.  Pizza, homemade corn chowder, ice cream, and my moms homemade biscuits and gravy.  It's sad to think that I actually felt the "one more time" need.  THAT is my problem.  I just need to realize that I don't need the garbage anymore, and that it is slowly killing me.

I got some really sweet comments on my first post, and wanted to share one of them.  My reader Rebekah gave me this quote to live by on my journey.

"You only have to get through today. I only have to think about today's workout, today's menu. I will think about tomorrow when it gets here. Just one single day at a time."

That is exactly what I am going to do.  It actually fits very well with my blog title.  "Breathing in the Moment" was chosen from the song "This is My Now", which is my #1 motivator when working out.  And This IS MY NOW!!  And I am going to breathe in the moment each day, each step.

If I can get one single thing out of this blog, it is the support, and inspiration.  Ok That was 2 things.  I want to be able to support and be supported by my readers.  And when I lay down at night, knowing I am inspiring one other person to start their journey to health, then I have accomplished more than I could dream!

With that said, here is my motivational song.  You may see a few of these from time to time, and I hope you take the time to download these great songs onto your workout playlist!

The Start!

Notice: If you are looking for fun Party posts or DIY goods... you may want to skip this post. This is about to get personal.

Have you ever noticed that I avoid pictures at all cost?  Well here is why.  Grab a nice cold drink, and enjoy the story.  Well that is if you chose to keep reading.

 

(200Lbs in 2005)

Let's go back to the beginning.   As a child I never considered myself to be "fat", however I was always bigger than most of my girlfriends.  I come from a BIG family, by big I mean most members on my Dad's side are 5'9"-6'6"!  And well built.  

The hard part is that I am the only family member on either side that would be considered "obese" (I hate that term, but it's life)  I always feel like the outcast, and like a let down to my family.  My Grandpa always worries about my weight, and It's completely out of love and care.  He is getting older now, and his health has taken a few steps back over the last few years, and I really want him to see me do this!  

(Krista and I, October 13th 2012)

I went through high school pretty happy with myself.  I never felt that I needed to be on a diet, but I was never a bikini boaster.  I was me, and I still am Me. 

My senior year of high school I met my husband.  It was love at first sight, I will have to share that story another time.  Well you know what happens when you fall in love and over the years you get pretty comfortable with each other?  Well then you start to get comfortable with the weight as well.  I didn't gain a ton, but probably went up one pant size and gained 15-20 pounds.  No Big deal, I was still so very happy with who I was.

 

(My husband, Son and I, 2007)

Then came baby.  In 2002 I got pregnant with our son.  I gained 56 pounds.... it was awful.  Once he was born he never breast fed, which was even worse.  I tried to lose the weight, but with the new baby which then became a toddler, I just didn't have it in me.  I felt like a load of mass that couldn't help myself.  I topped the scales at 260 pounds! ( I cannot believe I am posting this on here)

(Me and my sister in-law, 2007)

Then in 2004 I got pregnant with our daughter.  I was already 260 pounds and was terrified that I was going to gain a mass amount once again.  However in the first trimester I lost about 10 pounds.  The day I went in to give birth I weighed 271 pounds!  Eek, but she was also a 9 pound baby!

(Me and Michael Maloney, 2008)

About 2 weeks after I had her I decided it was time to get my rear in gear.  I started walking about 5 miles a day and eating all healthy, clean and fresh foods.  Within 3 months I had lost 69 pounds!  I was down to 202 pounds!  No gimmicks, no shakes, just good old fashioned weight loss.  Breastfeeding played a HUGE part and I will get to that in a minute.

 

(Our wedding day 2005 at 200 Pounds!)

I felt amazing to say the least.  Life went on, and BAM a storm rolled in and took my life by surprise.  I was completely betrayed by my best friend of 15 years.  I was mortified and sent into a very deep depression, and started packing on the pounds.

(2009)

Over the course of 3 years I would cry and eat, and cry and eat... I went on medication that gave me migraines, so I had to quit taking it of course.  It took me a long time to re-gain trust and heal from my wounds.  I have come a LONG way mentally, but physically I am still at that road block.

(My husband and I 2008)

I love my husband dearly, and was able to sort through things with him, and it actually made us closer.  As for the friend, we have not spoken since that day, nor will we ever.  I hate to be that way, but she is not a woman I would EVER trust in my life ever again.  Some women just want what others have, and will go great lengths to get there.... can I get an AMEN?

(Roloff Farms 2007)

Onto today!  The weight is still there, and in fact it's gotten higher!  It's like my body won't let go.  I'm wearing this suit that is my shield from life.  But as of today, I am D.O.N.E!  I am miserable.  I wake up in pain, I have zero energy, and am just downright unhappy. 

 

(Amy Roloff with Me and Gabi 2007)

I always ask myself  WHY am I unhappy?  I have a great job, great family, great husband, amazing home, my own business, money... everything is great... so WHY?!?!

(Me and My sister 2008)

It is because I am not living the life I should be.  I am trapped inside this fat suit, and I need out.  I used to be very outgoing.... not anymore.  I'm tired of being bottled up.  I'm ready to come out.

(2006)

So if you are still with me... I am inviting you to join me on my journey!  I am going to document every step of the way.  Weigh-In's once a week, and Lot's of pictures, menu's and tips.  

(Heather and I with Phil & Amy Parham from The Biggest Loser in 2009)

I am done with the old me, ready for new!! 

 (Me and My sister in 2008)

And before you go, my inspiration came from Shelley over at House of Smiths!  She is a doll, and I look up to her in so many ways.  More than she will ever know.  She herself has lost so much weight in the last year, go check it out!!   And as a bonus, I get to meet her in April at SNAP!  I haven't set my weight loss goal for that date, but you better bet it's gonna be a big one!!!

 

Shelley today! 

 

So here's to the removal of my fat suit!!!  So long sista!!

So head on over to my new blog "Breathing in the Moment" to follow me on my journey one step at a time!